Posterous theme by Cory Watilo as adapted by Jamie Graham

Filed under: porn

Monday morning TV pres porn

written on Monday 25 July 2011 and filed under [bbc2] [logo] [porn] [presentation]

Television presentation these days is so... frenetic. WATCH THIS NOW A PROMO AFTER THIS THAT WATCH ANOTHER PROMO HERE'S THE PROGRAMME THE PROGRAMME'S ALMOST FINISHED HERE'S WHAT'S NEXT HERE'S A PROMO HERE'S ANOTHER PROMO HERE'S THE PROGRAMME, 24 hours a day.

It doesn't encourage me to watch. It encourages me to watch only what catches me eye in the paper and that only on BBC iPlayer, where I don't have to put up with some much LOUD DESPERATION all the time. I think Sky started this, with its interesting-at-the-time shrieky style of presentation in the 80s, shouting at you to watch 'Hogan's Heroes' or 'As The World Turns' as if they were new and good. Or new or good.

Slowly but surely, the rest of television decided it too needed to shout to be heard. So now it's all shouty and fast and none of it sticks in my head. It's also supposed to not give me time to turn over, although it does give me time to turn the bloody set off, but at least that doesn't drive me to other channels. It just drives me to pick up a book.

Slower, less-flashy presentation with programmes recommended rather than PROMOTED LOUDLY always suited me better (so it's not just a getting-older thing). For a start, a gentle ident sticks in my mind; a flashy, flashing, music-heavy ident doesn't. Having an appropriate programme recommended to me -- "If you enjoyed 'Some Aspects of Shrimps', tomorrow evening on BBC-2 we have a history of shrimp farming in the Hebrides. 'Some Aspects of Potted Shrimp' is at 9pm tomorrow" -- after the programme has finished works; having a scatter-gun promo over the end credits, advising me that since I watched 'Doctor Who', I'll love watching 'EastEnders', patently doesn't work.

So here's a brief reminder of earlier days. BBC-2 comes on air for the afternoon (yes, afternoon - if there was nothing to show, a channel showed nothing rather than 'Hunt the Celebrity in the Attic with a Hammer' repeats) with a simple jingle and form-up; the announcer calmly welcomes us; on with the programmes. Perfect - not least because 30 years later I remember this ident, I remember BBC-2's then-output, I remember watching television voraciously.

It has now been 3 weeks since I watch any live television.

Friday morning train porn again

written on Friday 22 July 2011 and filed under [british rail] [intercity] [porn] [trains]

More excellent marketing from British Rail: why face the hell of the airport or stress of the motorway when you can sit back and relax on a comfortable, speedy Intercity 125?

This is probably British Rail's most famous advertising campaign, appearing in a couple of versions (originally ending 'British Rail', the advert was still in use as Sectorisation came along and BR dissolved its regions in favour of 'Sectors' - Provincial, Intercity, London and South East and Freight, hence the 'Intercity' tag line with only a little double-headed arrow). Like much of British Rail's marketing, it now produces a smile of recognition and warmth, not least for presenting the inside of the Mk III coaches so well. They've been refurbished since privatisation, with view-blocking high seats (in case there's an accident - it'd be better if you're killed instantly by hitting your face on the seat than slightly more slowly by being thrown into the carriage) that no longer coincide with the windows (who wants to look out of the window when travelling when you could be reading the dire on-board advertising magazine) and a reduction in legroom (because, hey, we need to see if all modes of travel can give you a deep-vein thrombosis).

Nevertheless, despite the shysters who now run the railways, the central part of the advert remains true: there's no better way of travelling than by train.

Monday morning Hattie Jacques porn

written on Monday 18 July 2011 and filed under [british rail] [hattie jacques] [porn] [trains]

Ooh, this is wonderful! Even if you're not a railfan, this advert should make you leap on to a train and take a journey somewhere - anywhere - just for fun, because it features the most sexy, most sexual, star of the twentieth century: behold Hattie Jacques getting an 'Awayday' ticket from Sevenoaks to Charing Cross to do lunch with Jackie Stewart*

Be still my beating heart!

* Warning - link plays music at you, in a crime against teh internets.