Posterous theme by Cory Watilo as adapted by Jamie Graham

Technical "support"

written on Friday 1 April 2011 and filed under [cold-calling] [evil] [scammers]

I've posted this elsewhere, but I'm remarkably proud of myself for it, so thought it may as well go here too, even though it's not big and it's not clever.

[phone rings - international, out of area]

Me: Hello?

"Okay, this is Amjit from your computer support hosting company. We're receiving hundreds of reports from your computer that your system is running slowly."

Yes, you're right - it is running slowly!

"Okay, well I can help you with that. Would you like me to sort that for you now?"

Oh, yes please!

"Okay, I will just put you through to our expert computer experts from your computer support hosting company and they will show you how to find the problem, which is hundreds of extra, unwanted files that are causing all of these errors."

Great! Thank you!

[Time passes. Click!]

"Okay, my name is Albert from your computer support hosting company. I am understanding that your computer is running slowly, yes?"

Yes, very!

"Okay, I will show you how to find the problem, which is hundreds of extra, unwanted files that are causing all of these errors. Would you like me to do that?"

Yes please! It really is very slow today. [It was, I was watching CSI:NY online via, er, not very legal methods]

"Okay, is your computer switched on if not ask them to switch it on."

It's switched on, yes.

"Okay, first you need to look at the bottom left of the keyboard. Can you see a key marked C T R L?"

Yes.

"Okay, now can you press the Windows logo key next to it?"

I don't see that key.

"Okay, can you press the key with the picture of a flag on it?"

I can't see that key either.

[puzzled sounds] "Okay, can you say to me what key is next to the C T R L key?"

The alt key.

"Okay, between the C T R L key and the alt key is the Windows key. Please press that."

There's no key between the control key and the alt key.

"Okay, if you look very carefully, sir, there is a key between the C T R L key and the alt key. Please press that."

There's no key between the control key and the alt key... because I'm using an Apple fucking Mac, you stupid scamming bastard!

"Ah, you piece of shit, you scum, I'll come and be killing you I will!"

Ha ha ha ha HA! [I hang up]

Great timing

written on Friday 1 April 2011 and filed under [rules is rules] [social networking] [work]

Well, wouldn't you know it: just as I start my shiny new blog, my
employer sends round an email to the entire company reminding us of
our responsibilities when using "social media". These guidelines, it
says, "must be followed" when posting on a blog.

I must comply with the company's Code of Business and Ethics. If I'm
about to publish something and it makes me even the slightest bit
uncomfortable, I'm not to shrug it off and hit "send". If I mention
the company, I must also mention that the posts are my own and do not
represent official statements or views of the company.

I must be honest. I must not be defamatory, obscene, libelous,
threatening, harassing or embarrassing to others. I must "use good
judgment", whatever that means. I must respect copyright. I must guard
my privacy. I must "add value" to the community. I must admit to and
correct mistakes quickly.

To which all I can say is: fuck that.

Starting over

written on Friday 1 April 2011 and filed under [blogging] [first post]

Everybody's blogging nowadays. Actually, that's clearly not true. But still: a lot of people are.

I follow a number of blogs, some personal, some hobby related, some a mixture. For instances, there's Scott, busy visiting each station of Merseyrail one at a time until he gets committed. There's Robert, busy ogling McFly one at a time until he gets committed. There's Tanya, with a box of old magazines, a scanner and a jar of snark. There's Paul, with a fairly unique mix of trains, politics and men in tight shorts. There's Andrew, a master consumer of walking boots and ale. And there's Transdiffusion's Mediablog, where I sometimes contribute but usually just read about what's happening in the world of broadcasting and archives and stuff.

Last year, there was even me, attempting to document a year living on World War II rations, until I ran out of anything new to say about reheating potatoes (and in case you're wondering, I did the impossible and put on weight while living on a perfectly balanced virtually fat free diet. Take that, nutritionists of the world).

With so much enjoyable chatter from friends and acquaintances, and with a busy life well worth documenting, possibly, I thought it was time to stop having angry political conversations with my shower unit each morning and start putting those views somewhere where even less people who care would read them and take notice. So here I am.

I've chosen Posterous on the basis that the iPhone app looks pretty and that I can tie various other bits of my life together with it, creating the ideal method for someone to begin stalking me.

And I've chosen 1 April to start because I can convince people that it was all a joke that got out of hand if it all goes horribly wrong and I end up getting stalked or something.

So now you know.